k8's escapades

Monday, March 13, 2006

meeces in pieces

my parent's house had 2 visitors last week--mickey and minnie...they had invaded the house--evan and i heard a rumbling under the tread mill and knew whe had some uninvited visitors..my friend Lou came in from San Diego...minutes before going to bed, cathy k yelped...a mouse in the house! In the morning I awoke to my father yelling as usual..i was staying in the wood so Lou could get a true understanding of the insanity of my family--so my father screams up to me, "Kate, i left some mice traps--make sure they are strategically placed!" what? "Kate...make sure they are strategically placed!
So i get the traps--put a dollop of peanut butteron all 4 of them and place them "strategically" around the house..
Lou and I went to the ville and i get a call from my mother.."Mission Accomplished.." hilarious..one mouse gone...

I got home that Sunday and my dad filled me in on the detes..not 1 but 2 mice had been caught...(not received well by cathyk) my dad says, "they always have a buddy with them...and i am not letting anything in my house that doesn't pay rent!" brilliant...

the best part? my dad decided to put the mouse out of its wriggling misery and step on him...not realizing that he had just stepped on a glue trap with a wriggling mouse under his shoe..i think swearing ensued but i was praised for my strategic placement...

Note to Peta: no meeces were harmed in the making of this blog...

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Top celebs who just need to go away...

We are inundtaed by celebs lately--here are the celebs i feel should take themselves and stick themselves in between Shadow Stevens and Madame from Solid Gold.."I'll Take Jessica Simpson for the block..."

1. Jamie Foxx---Heyyyyyyyyy Hoooooooo--You gotta go...Everyone knows you played Ray Charles like ten years ago--now get the f outta here...Notice how he sings or drops hints about his upcoming album...everytime he sees a teleprompter

2. Paris Hilton-That's Hot--You are such a slut...end of story--take you rail thin ass and get outta Sundance.

3. Jessica Simpson--I am so happy we are seeing her real talent--working for Pizza Hut--"these bites are made for poppin? Nice career move Creepy Papa Joe!

4. Ashlee Simpson-For too many obvious reasons--I wish that manager from McDonalds clocked her in the giant nose with a 6 piece McNugget--you spoiled rich kid--leave...

5. Joel Madden (Good Charlotte) Any celeb I see at Sundance grabbing millions of dollars of stuff from Sundance makes me sick--why don't you give your Craporola 50000 to someone in Mississipi so they can call their family members....Word of advice to the kids today--you are not listening to good music---if you think Fall Out Boy and Good Charlotte are good--our future is doomed--rip into some of your parents vinyl or better yet put in a Men at Work cassette tape--

6. Lindsay Lohan-We get it--you want to be a serious actress--your life is fucked up--cry me a river--people are starving in Africa....and apparently LA too!

7. Oprah--the Golden Goddess--Oprah, you never do anything wrong--everyone bow to you--someone from Boston made up a rumor that Oprah was injured and in the hospital due to excessive patting (herself on the back).

8. Tori Spelling-ummm...why do you even have a second boyfriend? you cheated on your first husband--now engaged--and on top of being a lying cheater you look like your dad in a wig--oooh too low...

Good to get off my chest--if we eliminate these overexposed celebs--it will leave room for the Phililip Seymour Hoffmans, Paul Giamattis and Cate Blanchetts of the world--real talent, real class...

If i could turn back tiyommmme...i would like to take Madame for the block... Posted by Picasa

Thursday, January 05, 2006

happy new yeeez!

Now, New Years i believe is an overrated holiday--someone is always having a better time than you and there is always something bad something going on with your own bad self. In the past I have been sick, dumped, almost arrested and got into a fight. This year I experienced 2 of the 4. I loved the company i was with on new year's my own flesh and blood--however, when we arrived at "da club" i literally felt like i was in the Playboy Mansion. I have never seen so many fake boobs in one place--it's sad when you and your sister in law have the only real ones in the house...i took off for a while--hung out with some kids from melrose, was so wrapped up with the mirror wall that i almost walked into it and shattered, and i almost missed the countdown with my bro and sis in law--i drank wayyyyyy to much champagne and apparently lept over a couch, like OJ in the Hertz commercial, to make the ball drop...i have fun 364 days a year--i truly do--i am not going out next year..

Things I realized New Years:

1. Fake boobs dont look so great on 80 lb frames.
2. Wearing a see thru camisole doesnt look so great..
3. Wearing a suitjacket (me) made me feel like Winona Judd
4. I still love the smell of Drakaar--it is so an aphrodisiac
5. I realized that i had a huge crush on Cockroach from the Cosby Show--
6. Sometimes it's better to stick to the things that you normally do on the weekends-like drink PBR and see bands
7. The club girls from Boston will die before me from tanorexia and plastic overload..

Happy New Yeez!

Oh and i got into a fight with my cabbie--i almost jumped out of the cab Chip's style..and i didnt even start it!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

your terrible, mariel!

yeah i know i havent "blogged" in a while---i have been inundated by heavy drinking, holiday fun and good friends. Things have been very good--jess and nick broke up--now tell me how a guy can listen to a woman squak all day like an asshole--i been i know jess is "hot" in some eyes..but come on...when it comes down to making change on the t--shes screwed, laddie! she don't got it and soon she will be working at taco bell and be screwed...like i told megz earlier jess and ashlee are two blinks away from being n the center square in hollywood squares between madame from solid gold and balky from perfect strangers...nick was the smart one--they didnt sign a pre-nup--must have been a blonde moment...

happy holidays to all that have helped me out thru this tumultous year-- i love you all..now get me an ipod for xmas...

Monday, October 31, 2005

i heart robert englund

is it bad that i have a crush on the actor who plays freddy?

well i do and i dont care...

happy halloween!

Monday, October 03, 2005

more dadisms

1. "evan never ever become a clown..they pay you in fake money..."

2. after i asked my dad how i looked before i went out he said, "you look real snazzy for a two-bit divorced person..."

3. after telling my dad that i am fun to hang out with , "yeah you're a great kid, but you dont put out!"

4. after seeing a rotund woman running on the street..he pointed and i said "dad, at least she is running" and he said, "yeah, she should have started running 180lbs ago..."

that's mi pop!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

remdog, glass eating & growing an inch

i have seen remdog three times--i say hello to him every time--he scuffles by me and grunts...i must not be his type..blonde and 23...

my long lost friend, Bill "the great Pendu" ate glass while eating Legal Seafoods takeout...he called up Legals and they really didnt care...Bill's father told him that "people at the carnival eat glass all the time..."

i grew an inch this week--i know im 31..but three people came up to me and said that i look taller...and i went to try a pair of jeans on that were really long for me.tried them on this week--perfect! my friend chris who hasnt seen me in 12 years claimed that i was 5'4, 5'7" with bangs (he remembers me from the big bang years).....still growing @ 31? it pays to be a late bloomer...

Sayings that i detest

Being in corporate america in what seemed forever...i have my most hated sayings...here's a go at it..

1. "FYI" (for your information)this red headed nightmare (not me) used to come up and say "FYI" kate..blah blah blah...hate it..

2. LOL-i hate it when people actually use it conversations like "yeah, i was totally like "LOL"

3. "She's/he's good people" or "She/he is a good egg." I dont even think that is grammatically correct...people should just drive themsleves to the nursing home while saying this...

4. "It's all good" "you go Girl" :Schizzle my nizzle.."anytime a white girl/guy tries to prove they have soul or a connection to the hood...its honestly quite embarrasing...

5. "i'm gellin like magellan" "i'm off like a prom dress" --who is the marketing dept for these in soles...they need to be shot...although i hate these, "i'm heading out like a baby" is quite funny..

6. Snail Mail--what brain surgeon made this up?

7. No big whoop...Stuart Smalley..anything that is overquoted from SNL...like when people say "yeah, he totally is my boyfriend...NOT!" Sorry to inform you but Wayne's World came out like 10 years ago..oh yeah overused movie quotes are the worst..."ALRIGHTY THEN!!!"

8. "He/she shit the bed!"--i dont need to know about your bowels while doing biz...