k8's escapades

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Top celebs who just need to go away...

We are inundtaed by celebs lately--here are the celebs i feel should take themselves and stick themselves in between Shadow Stevens and Madame from Solid Gold.."I'll Take Jessica Simpson for the block..."

1. Jamie Foxx---Heyyyyyyyyy Hoooooooo--You gotta go...Everyone knows you played Ray Charles like ten years ago--now get the f outta here...Notice how he sings or drops hints about his upcoming album...everytime he sees a teleprompter

2. Paris Hilton-That's Hot--You are such a slut...end of story--take you rail thin ass and get outta Sundance.

3. Jessica Simpson--I am so happy we are seeing her real talent--working for Pizza Hut--"these bites are made for poppin? Nice career move Creepy Papa Joe!

4. Ashlee Simpson-For too many obvious reasons--I wish that manager from McDonalds clocked her in the giant nose with a 6 piece McNugget--you spoiled rich kid--leave...

5. Joel Madden (Good Charlotte) Any celeb I see at Sundance grabbing millions of dollars of stuff from Sundance makes me sick--why don't you give your Craporola 50000 to someone in Mississipi so they can call their family members....Word of advice to the kids today--you are not listening to good music---if you think Fall Out Boy and Good Charlotte are good--our future is doomed--rip into some of your parents vinyl or better yet put in a Men at Work cassette tape--

6. Lindsay Lohan-We get it--you want to be a serious actress--your life is fucked up--cry me a river--people are starving in Africa....and apparently LA too!

7. Oprah--the Golden Goddess--Oprah, you never do anything wrong--everyone bow to you--someone from Boston made up a rumor that Oprah was injured and in the hospital due to excessive patting (herself on the back).

8. Tori Spelling-ummm...why do you even have a second boyfriend? you cheated on your first husband--now engaged--and on top of being a lying cheater you look like your dad in a wig--oooh too low...

Good to get off my chest--if we eliminate these overexposed celebs--it will leave room for the Phililip Seymour Hoffmans, Paul Giamattis and Cate Blanchetts of the world--real talent, real class...

If i could turn back tiyommmme...i would like to take Madame for the block... Posted by Picasa

Thursday, January 05, 2006

happy new yeeez!

Now, New Years i believe is an overrated holiday--someone is always having a better time than you and there is always something bad something going on with your own bad self. In the past I have been sick, dumped, almost arrested and got into a fight. This year I experienced 2 of the 4. I loved the company i was with on new year's my own flesh and blood--however, when we arrived at "da club" i literally felt like i was in the Playboy Mansion. I have never seen so many fake boobs in one place--it's sad when you and your sister in law have the only real ones in the house...i took off for a while--hung out with some kids from melrose, was so wrapped up with the mirror wall that i almost walked into it and shattered, and i almost missed the countdown with my bro and sis in law--i drank wayyyyyy to much champagne and apparently lept over a couch, like OJ in the Hertz commercial, to make the ball drop...i have fun 364 days a year--i truly do--i am not going out next year..

Things I realized New Years:

1. Fake boobs dont look so great on 80 lb frames.
2. Wearing a see thru camisole doesnt look so great..
3. Wearing a suitjacket (me) made me feel like Winona Judd
4. I still love the smell of Drakaar--it is so an aphrodisiac
5. I realized that i had a huge crush on Cockroach from the Cosby Show--
6. Sometimes it's better to stick to the things that you normally do on the weekends-like drink PBR and see bands
7. The club girls from Boston will die before me from tanorexia and plastic overload..

Happy New Yeez!

Oh and i got into a fight with my cabbie--i almost jumped out of the cab Chip's style..and i didnt even start it!